essays

Philosophical:

Who doesn't like to discussions about the meaning of life, what is this, what is truth, or beauty, etc. except these conversations are difficult with postmodernists because they speak with inconsistency and without logic but I still like listening to what they have to say.

Culture Jam:

I do this to wake up society and make people question the status quo and bring about positive social change! (This art will be posted soon).

Spiritual Culture Jam:

I do this to wake up my spiritual community that is so complacent and ignoring its call to action. (This art will be posted soon).

Worship:

The infusion of the arts with worship. This is great because it let people uses their creativity and its awesome to see art become interactive as it connects people to God and each other.

This happens to be an underground movement that is emerging.

new xpression of faith

There is a new direction of art that I have started. It's a happy accident. Its all a combination of art process that I often-used separately. (do I need to explain the different processes)

But something converged one day out of the blue. My art process in the past and still... is making art on the fly... meaning spontaneous... the paper is blank and I just draw or paint something until I like it. but what is interesting and I mentioned this on my essay is that u have no idea what I am thinking as I am creating art.

just because you see an image, doesn't mean that's the story of what its about... for example, lets say I paint something like people wearing masks. yeah.. I am communicating an obvious topic or theme that can be seen visually... but my mind has the habit of wandering into all kinds of random thoughts, so even during the process of painting, I am thinking of other stuff that might have no connections to what I am painting.

Which leads me to my film studies. I have been learning about subtext in scripts, which is to help the actor perform better. Just because an actor says a line "I like you" to another girl doesn't mean he means it. So you in the audience see a guy say to a girl "I like you" but it could be a lie and would never know it unless the director tells you in film which would be revealed in the story/film. Its back to the point of wearing masks... you can't believe everything you see off hand because you cannot mind read or read the motivations of a person.

There are hints and cues of course but I am trying to make the point that you are not telepathic.

So my new art is layers of subtext that you can see and read. Its pure honesty to the core and it can be hidden beneath the paint. I had a friend video tape the process so u can understand visually what I am talking about because I am not a good writer in explaining things. It would be easier to conversate it than to write about it.

Well the new art or at least the new stage of experimentation is revealing my thoughts on paper/canvas then painting on top of it. So lets see what happens. And you know as far as I know this kind of art probably already exists, but its something I stumbled upon without any influence to do it. So for me I feel like I am doing something original and yet to others it may not. Oh the journey to do something completely original.

To put this in context so not to be confused this event what I am talking about happened in the fall so my painting prior to October are not done in this process. It's the art after October 2006 that this new process came about.

History:

I started drawing as an early child, I can still remembering drawing star war characters in first grade and I loved vintage cartoons, so much so that at one time I wanted to be a cartoon animator. My favorite cartoon was Tom and Jerry, but I always rooted for Tom.

In my middle school years I was really good at replicating what I saw. This means I could copy any picture and draw it pretty much the same as the picture. In high school, I had another friend who was an artist too, which reminds me, I used to build models and paint them. In the summers that I lived with my dad, he use to buy me model planes, tanks, cars, soldiers, etc. and I would build them and paint them. My friend Ted Y. was awesome at the realism, he would put in such efforts. Anyway, he was also a better drawer than me, so he was into drawing cartoon monster cars and it helped me to push myself to draw better. Later, though, we used to draw our own cartoon comics of our adventures that we had. We had camping friends, so it was all about our adventures and the inside jokes we had like random useless facts. Like did you know Ronald Reagan saved 70 people as a lifeguard! We learned this of course thru boy scouts.

I did send for school catalogs that offered animation, but I went on a mission's trip to Argentina and I went to Bible College instead. I did go to art class in high school but that was for ceramic and basic art that was dumb downed. I could have done electives in art, but I opted for JROTC, cuz at the time I thought I wanted to be a green beret army chaplin. That what u get for watching Rambo, Red dawn, and Ninja movies. Funny, I do remember watching painters on PBS, u know the guy with the puffy hair and was amazed at the end of the show because a painting happened from nothing.

I remember that I went to an art supplies store and looked at the prices and I couldn't afford them, so I never bought my own paints until I was 28. So what I did do, I used crayons... in fact my beginning drawing impressed me that I began the quest to become the only crayon artist in the world, so began the journey of drawing with crayons, which I did for years. It wasn't until '94 when I was done with school that I was involved with a counterculture youth ministry at a teen club/coffeehouse. In the old building was house paint and ply wood. From there I only painted with two colors, mostly black and white, then in '98, I bought my first color paints, a pad of paper and oil pastels and then basically tried to learn how to paint. Because I was still poor, I did not buy canvas, but again painted on wood and cardboard and paper, but what I did learn from the process.

Later at a thrift store, I found ugly paintings for cheap and I would buy them, only to paint on top of them. In the new century, I began to live the nomadic life. I painted again on whatever I could find which happened to be cardboard. I seemed to paint better on it too. One day I finally bought some canvas, but they were small ones and I bought oil paints as well, which happened to be some beginner pack. What I didn't know it that it doesn't work the same way as acrylic. So as I painted, it got uglier and messy. I was so frustrated that I refused to paint oils with brushes and began to finger paint. That was the last time I used in oil, and maybe one day I will learn it. It was only later that someone told me that you have to wait for the paint to dry which takes a week. To be continued.

Cognitive Therapy:

Its not that often, but sometimes I paint the opposite of how I am feeling.

For example, if I was depressed and I am painting a face, I am tempted of course to paint it with a sad look, especially with a frown, but instead I will paint it with a smile. Am I, the artist not painting reality of what I am feeling, yes but there is another side to the story: faulty thinking leads to negative emotions and responses.

The theory of cognitive therapy is that change the thinking and it changes the emotional response, which changes the behavior. It's something like that. I do feel there is a missing component to this theory, but I am not sure what it is yet. When I do, I am sure it will rock the psychology field as I write it in a book, which will hail me as a lunatic, only to be validated 100 years after I am dead. Ha ha... anyway the point is at the very time I am painting, I am also changing my thought process; therefore, I am still painting the reality that is occurring in my head.

Another example..if I am saying to myself "I am ugly. I am ugly" over and over again I am depressed because I believe this statement to be true. I could start the painting process with this in mind, but as you know painting is a time consuming process, so during this phase of negative thinking, I am also counteracting the thoughts with an opposing view. As I am depressed and thinking, "I am ugly" I am also saying "no I am not ugly, my self confidence is not based on peoples rejection or approval of me or comparisons to popular culture media celebrities." "I am beautiful!" so there is this great war of thoughts and who will win? So as I am thinking opposite, I am also painting opposite. I guess I am trying to explain the dual reality of some of my painting. Thoughts vs feelings.

Anti-postmodern art

I can't stand postmodern ideology, it's the new anti-thinking that is so dangerous and yet it is widely accepted.

At the same time, I don't approve of modernism either since they reject the supernatural. Someone might ask, "I see your painting but how is it anti postmodern?"

good question. Its what I am thinking about during the painting process. The thoughts that race thru my mind are anti- postmodern because that is my worldview. I believe in absolute truth. Oh yeah baby it true! ha.

Style:

All my art is improvised. I never know what I am going to paint until I start to do it. It's very spontaneous.